she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
