so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
