Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Can I color on your dick again?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
