I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
