I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
