just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
