My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
