I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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