He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
