I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
