Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
