he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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