Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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