If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
