He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
