FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize