I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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