Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize