hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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