The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
