Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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