True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
