If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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