I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i out mim tonsoeep
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