her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
