I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
