Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
