if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
