I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
