Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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