then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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