Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
