I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize