he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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