i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
