he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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