I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
