i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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