his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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