Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize