dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
