"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Vodka?
Forever.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
