And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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