We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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