My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
