Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
