I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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