i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
