areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
