i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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