Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
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