Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
