You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
