Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
