whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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