you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
