..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize