Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize