Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Green mimosas i think yes
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
