Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
