This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
