Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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