Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
