I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Pants are for mortals
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
