Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
