i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
