YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize