we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
