so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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