Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
