Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize