i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Boobs are out for the taking
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
