Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
