i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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