90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
