The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
