Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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