I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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