K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
