airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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