i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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